Well, that certain year everyone was talking about has passed. The one that everyone promoted as a certainty, as something predetermined, and then as something that would finally bring relief. The grand pronouncements that once you get through the first birthday, the first summer vacation, the first Christmas, the first New Year's Eve, and every other first milestone, then everything will be fine.
But you know what, my friend? Call me cold-hearted, but those days often flew by very easily indeed.
However, what we consider easy is very relative. It wasn't the days marked in red on the calendar that determined your lack of presence last year.
It was much more difficult to take my first train journey without me writing to you to tell you which door to get on so you could sit next to me. The first time I realized that we weren't annoying other people by speaking English to each other in public. The first piece of gossip I couldn't share with you, about that certain acquaintance we both know. The first time I tried a limited edition shower gel scent. The first language learning series reminder. The first bike ride alone. The first summer walk in the nearby park, where only I get bitten to shit by mosquitoes. My first stupid decision, which you would have recognized as nonsense right from the start. The first gingerbread that didn't even come close to yours. The first time I watched Deadpool without having you there. The first running race where you didn't follow me on the race number tracker. The first piece of news I didn't tell you first. The first LEGO set I didn't show you first. The first time I remembered how much that dragon mobile game drains the iPhone battery. The first time I wrote down "EDT" and realized that I was the only one who knew the inside joke anymore.
These were the first things that were much more unbearable, painful, and shocking. And I wonder if they will end after a year has passed, or not? At the moment, I don't think so.
Last time, you suggested that it was time for me to finally relax and put myself first. Did I succeed? No, not at all. Am I still striving for the maximum? Absolutely. But have I been working on it? Yes! I'm trying. When I finally succeed, you'll be the first person I tell.